Also, some Rules (Also growing.)
Jump to trip:
- "Edinburgh's a big city. Pick a place."
- "Have you heard the news? Jesus loves you!!"
- Scotsmen wash their cars at campsites, topless at 6am WITH THE ENGINE RUNNING!
- It's not a hallucination, it really is a Frenchman chasing a naked baby.
- Montpellier is a beautiful, beautiful town
- "Il y a cheveux dans la lit! PUBES!!"
- Sleeping under the stars underneath the Eiger is a wonderful experience
- Don't fly with Ryanair. Ever.
- Leaving dirty, evil soulless Millets is the best feeling in the world
- Injections into your hand hurt.
- Camping in Botswana is really, really fucking cheap.
- I love animals.
- My MSR PocketRocket is pretty good!
- The Audi Camp in Maun, Botswana only has one CD, and that is the best of Shania Twain
- Mokoro tour guides in the Okovango like to take you to their village, sit you down and make you buy stuff off them.
- Zambians like to wash your car without your knowledge, permission, willingness to pay.
- 10,000km in a Mitsubishi Pajero Jr in 3 months is a pretty good achievement!
- The latter might have something to do with said car breaking down 4 days later.
- Breaking down in the middle of nowhere in Botswana of course means you're going to be rescued by a man from the North of England.
- Baboons are crafty little buggers.
- Bungee jumping is the best thing you can do. Ever.
- So is quad biking in the oldest desert on the planet.
- Don't slow down when looking behind to see where Richard is; he'll crash into you.
- I love Khutse.
- Donkeys like to gather on the roads of Botswana at night.
- Budget Rent A Car are scum.
- Hospitals in small villages in the Central Kalahari Desert in the middle of nowhere in Botswana are better than the entire American healthcare system.
- When going abroad for a long time get a local sim card.
- Cinema in Africa is cheap.
- I love Cape Town.
- I hate guided tours.
- I hate tourists.
- The best (and probably easiest way) to explore a new place is to literally get lost in it! See Rule #4 and Rule #5
- Casa Barry in Tofo, Mozambique makes the best steak I've ever tasted.
- And cheeseburger.
- Dino's Beach Bar is awesome, people are nice.
- Fatima's in Tofo will steal your sunglasses and guidebook. Why steal someone's guide book, that's just low!
- Didn't think I was one for beach holidays
- I LOVE Tofo beach.
- 8 hours on a bus from Maputo to Tofo is dirty, smelly, sweaty, so cramped that you can't move your knees the whole time, but hilarious and I would do it all again.
- On your last night in Gaborone, you HAVE to go on a pub crawl till 3am when your bus is at 6am.
- Recovering from a hangover/still being drunk on a 6 hour winding bending bus journey is a very bad idea.
- Flying home is sad.
- Trying to find Windhoek Lager (Namibia) is easier that first thought.
- Trying to find Mosi Lager (Zambia), Tafel (Namibia), Doshem/2M (Mozambique), Manica (Mozambique) is basically impossible. Damn you internet.
- Leaving dirty, evil soulless Millets customers is the best feeling in the world. Will miss the staff though, this time.
- Finding £40 on the steps in the pub at your leaving drinks is probably some sort of cosmic justice for the hell of the previous year.
- Recovering from a hangover on an 8 hour flight is not a great idea.
- Phoenix is an odd town. Doesn't have a centre.
- Flagstaff is coooooooold.
- Note to self: always pack your down jacket.
- Leicester is in the Midlands, not in the south.
- I enjoy fence building!
- The Banana Dance!!
- Old Crow Medicine Show - Wagon Wheel
- HOT SPRINGS!!
- Hoover Dam is impressive.
- There's no need for a sat-nav.
- You probably need a licence to sell Disney products.
- I do like the beach.
- San Diego is nice.
- Westfield shopping mall in San Diego is very strange, and very cool!
- True Grit is not all that.
- I rather do enjoy fence building.
- Mormons aren't allowed to drink caffeine, yet they own Pepsi
- It is possible for someone to order seven cheeseburgers at McDonalds, eat six of them with fries, have a McFlurry then the next day give away a sachet of Mayo on the grounds that it's "too fattening".
- It is also possible to fit 8 people and their kit, an entire project's worth of tools, cooking equipment, food coolers, jerry cans into one SUV.
- Sleeping under the stars is great.
- There's not much to do in Phoenix.
- Phoenix Zoo is a horrible place.
- The owners of the Out Of Africa Park in Phoenix think that tigers come from Africa. They don't.
- Flagstaff is cooooooooooooooooooooold.
- You can't work in a frozen river.
- Tonto Creek is cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooold.
- I have honestly never been as cold as I was camping in Tonto Creek.
- My 17 year old watch was killed by the cold.
- Putting on waders and getting into the river is great fun!
- Rock work is lots of fun, and very rewarding.
- Four hours on the same rock shouting Family Guy and South Park references and other innuendo can be very strange!
- It's all about the optics!
- "I love animals, that's why I like to kill 'em!"
- The Green Room on Wednesdays is 25c a drink. A Quarter!
- I love Las Vegas!!
- The Bellagio Fountains are amazing!
- Penn & Teller are also amazing!
- "How old to be do you have to play bingo?"
- I hate tamarisk.
- I like Lake Mohave.
- Du stinkst nacho käse
- 너 치즈 냄새가 (neo chijeu naemsaega)
- Du luktar ost
- Du lugter af ost
- Jij stinkt naar kaas
- Tu sents le fromage
- Monument Valley is stunning.
- Sometimes it is just too windy to have a fire.
- The Grand Canyon is huge.
- Make your last hour in Vegas count. Especially on your birthday!
- Amtrak is true value for money train travel.
- New York is cold. (Note the singular "o")
- Avenue Q is funny.
- I hate tourists.
- New Zealand doesn't like it if you've spent 3 months or more in Africa
- New Zealand Air's website is clever. Sadly I'm not flying with New Zealand Air.
- Victoria likes to plan things.
- For one certain Cathay Pacific employee, the customer is always right. Especially if it's me. Cos she's wrong.
- Hong Kong is warm. Very, very warm.
- If in doubt, find an Irish pub.
- Loads of people have iPads.
- Don't come to Hong Kong in the summer.
- Free wi-fi hotspots aren't all that common, sadly.
- BASE Backpackers in Auckland like to perform housekeeping duties at 9am. Seriously.
- It's not easy getting used to the time difference of 11 hours. It leads to confusion
- If necessary, it is possible dry yourself with a Ruddles bar towel nicked from the old Golden Fleece at South Croxton. Also handy to note Rule #1
- Auckland is a much bigger place than I thought
- Auckland is a lovely place
- Official Rugby World Cup shirts are faaaaaacking expensive
- Doesn't stop me wanting a Namibia one.
- It's frighteningly easy to break into your own padlock.
- It's surprisingly easy to acquire World Cup tickets!
- Getting/finding a free South Africa scarf (worth $40) sort of justifies paying $60 for Namibia shirt!
- Two hours in the company of South Africans makes you long for a nice cold Tafel or Windhoek and a lekker Braai
Below is a list of rules one must abide by when on the road.
Rule #1 - Always know where your towel is.
Rule #2 - No Poofters Have an open mind.
Rule #3 - DON'T PANIC
Rule #4 - No sat-navs
Rule #5 - No guided tours
Rule #6 - There is no Rule #6
Rule #7 - Be respectful of the local culture; make an effort!
Rule #8 - Don't stop. Unless you're finished*
